How do you not feel so awkward at a party where you don't know anyone?
A couple years ago, I arrived in a new city as a digital nomad and knew literally no one in town. I was starting fresh and thought joining a sports group would be a fun way to meet new people. I played basketball and tennis when I was younger but neither seemed to be options in this city.. so I went to go play tag rugby.
I knew nothing about the sport but the ball looked similar to an American football, and I've seen plenty of American football games over the years so I figured why not? They put “tag” in the name and it was co-ed so likely no one was getting hurt so bad they had to go to the hospital.
When I played my first game, I wasn't horrible (phew!). More importantly, I got to meet a few people during the game and have small talk with a couple more at beers after. I didn't make any friends that day but I did put myself out there, which is important to me.
Anyways, a few days later, someone I met at that game invited the whole tag rugby group to his birthday party. I thought great! I can meet more people.. but I had not been to a birthday party where I only knew the birthday boy. Yes he invited the whole group, but what do I do if I’m the only one from tag rugby that shows up?
After I decided to go to the party, I realized I don’t actually know what to say to people. “Hi, what’s your name” just didn’t seem to cut it anymore. Part of me wished there was a YouTube video on how to be fun or entertaining when meeting new people. Even a list of popular icebreakers for house parties would have been great!
After some brainstorming, I came up with a few lite and fun ways to have more interesting conversations:
3. Handwriting expert / Lip Reader / Human Lie Detector – which would you want to be and
why?
I don’t know about you but I tend to be very serious - not dour or off putting - but I admittedly am a fan of deeper conversations; and social gatherings, particularly with those one has just met, are often better with lighter conversation topics.
Yes I could have tried to be more zany or pretended to be someone “cooler” by sharing stories that never happened to me. But I thankfully believed being thoughtful would be a better approach. If anyone asked me those same questions, I’d be delighted to start a conversation with them, and none require I or them to be anyone but themselves to start a fun conversation.
Of course these are just examples of how to begin. If you’re too nervous when saying these icebreakers or deliver them like you’re on stage, they won’t work - no opening would. Being sincere and positive in the delivery makes a significant difference; it also can be coached. My issue at the time was not drawing a mental blank!
Once you start a conversation, based on their responses (verbal and nonverbal) you can take the conversation in a direction that interests you. Pay attention to their cues as to not linger on any topic that makes them uncomfortable. Obviously try avoiding hot button issues and even if the person seems “cool,” think twice about making a seriously vulgar joke - oftentimes people will think of a reason to walk away from you (and possibly badmouth you) because they have categorized you in a negative light.
This particular evening went very well because it is where I met my Bestie! Granted, the openings above were not the reason; but they do help prevent conversations devolving into “what do you do?’ “such lovely weather we’re having!” and similarly dull topics with someone you know absolutely nothing about and could have a 1000 different interesting conversations with!
To be upfront, many evenings such as this one, I met no one I wanted to see again. They may have been nice and cordial people but we didn’t click. And on some occasions, I get a couple numbers and messaged them after the fact to hang out or just let them know it was cool meeting them as we may run into each other again at a future group event.
Regardless of how you start a conversation, be yourself and keep putting yourself out there!
We all can benefit from positive in-person social interactions.
*If by chance you’re having issues starting a conversation in a different social setting, here are some other icebreakers you can try out. (Note on that, these have all been used in real-life situations so they are tried and tested)